Fuck Joe Biden and Fuck His Stupid Fucking Face

I hate Joe Biden. I hate him with an unwavering rage that compounds exponentially each time he opens his stupid fucking mouth. I hate that in eleven months I will likely be forced to vote for a babbling, geriatric moron in order to stop a more violent babbling, geriatric moron.

Why do I hate Joe Biden so much? I’m glad you asked!

This morning I woke up, checked my phone, and was greeted by yet another article on The Hill about how Biden loves Republicans so goddamn much. For some strange reason, the man touting himself as the “only person who can beat Trump” is expressly concerned about the Republicans getting “clobbered” (ok boomer) in 2020! You read that right. Joe Biden has actually spent time worrying about how badly his supposed political rivals might get beat next year. Given that Trump has spent the last three years exposing just how greedy, racist, and utterly brutal the Republicans truly are, our alleged savior Joe Biden being concerned that there might not be enough of them in power is completely fucking insane.

Biden’s constant bipartisan bullshit is both hilarious and sad. If Biden truly believes that Republicans have any interest in working with the Democrats to advance even the slightest hint of meaningful legislation, then he is an even bigger fucking moron than he looks. Last I checked, the GOP is controlled not by Trump, but by Mitch McConnell, who, if you haven’t heard, is the most vile, scheming, evil, calculated and power-hungry monster on the planet. Because this is an essay about how I hate Joe Biden, I am going to spare you any additional diatribe about Mitch – but rest assured, that Biden continues to hammer about how he wants to work with the so-called “Grim Reaper” himself is alarming at best.

But here is the thing – I don’t think Joe Biden is that stupid. He knows damn well that the Republicans aren’t going to work with the Democrats on projects like ending these ludicrous corporate tax breaks or helping to make college more affordable. Biden, who spent six-hundred years in Congress before being selected as the Vice President to the Black Guy (!!!), is not some naive nobody who genuinely believes there are plenty of good people on both sides. No, the real reason Biden is always harping on about working with Republicans is because, like the rest of the sanitary, Ivy League educated, DNC-approved liberal elite, the politics of Joe Biden and the politics of the GOP are basically the same fucking thing.

Shocking! But just you wait, because it gets worse. You might have noticed that both the DNC and the media have been desperately campaigning for Biden since well-before he even announced his candidacy. Why, you might be asking yourself, are these seemingly liberal institutions working overtime to prop up a decidedly not-liberal shithead candidate who once assured his wealthy donors that nothing will fundamentally change if he is elected and, more recently, claimed he doesn’t want to legalize marijuana because it might be a gateway drug? It’s almost like the DNC and their cohorts in the media have not learned a single fucking thing after similarly shilling for another out of touch plutocrat in 2016!

Here is also something shocking: a majority of Americans are not interested in supporting a neoliberal political agenda that primarily exists to benefit wealthy elites! If you do not believe me, please observe the fact that DONALD TRUMP IS OUR FUCKING PRESIDENT. But instead of throwing the weight of their propaganda machine behind progressive candidates who actually inspire everyday Americans, the DNC continues to operate at the behest of their Corporate Sponsors, pushing deeply entrenched establishment drones like Biden (and more recently, his younger doppelganger, the Gay Man) so that the Big Money at Goldman and JP Morgan can sleep easy regardless of who wins in 2020. All of this culminates in a political party that is largely indistinguishable from the corporate interests keeping it financially solvent. Or, to put it more bluntly, the Democratic Party is effectively identical to the GOP, but with Starbucks Social Justice instead of Evangelicalism.

The constant bombardment of pro-Biden bullshit by the party elites confirms the terrible reality that the Democrats are probably going to fuck this up again, leaving millions of regular Americans doomed to another four years of psychotic madness while they [the party elites] fuck off to their cushy Wall Street consulting gigs and mansions in Martha’s Vineyards. Then, not only will we get to suffer through another round of Trump destroying what is left of our so-called democracy, but will also get to enjoy more nonsensical bitching and excuse making by the DNC, who will continue to blame everyone and anyone but themselves for failing to uproot a racist cartoon of a man from the White House. If only the DNC would back someone who would definitely beat Trump…