GUEST OP-ED: Why We Should Buy Green-Land, by President Donald J. Trump

Listen. I know a few things about real estate, okay? When it comes to sniffing out deals and then making those deals, I am the best. I know a good deal when I see one. And let me tell you, my deal senses have been tingling like Jeff Epstein at a Girl Scout camp. A shame, how some people killed him to cover up their very dirty laundry! Not naming names!

Anyway, back to deals. Mine are tingling. Let me tell you why. It’s big. It’s an island. It’s green, and it’s made of land. That’s right. Say it with me: Green-Land.

Losers in the Lamestream Media have been rambling on about how the United States should not buy Green-Land. Can you believe those guys? Zero credibility. What does Anderson Cooper know about real estate? Or Shep Smith? How many buildings have loser names like Cooper or Smith on them? Zero, just like their credibility.

So listen. Green-Land is a bargain. It practically pays for itself. Green-Land has minerals. Do liberals even know what minerals are? They are like rocks, but more useful. Coal is a mineral. Oil is a mineral. Garlic salt is minerals. We need minerals. The human body needs minerals to survive, and not just the essential minerals like calcium, which Green-Land has tons of.

You know who has all the minerals right now? China. China has so many minerals, more minerals than they know what to do with. It’s a shame, how they ended up with so many minerals, and then they sell minerals to the good people of the United States at ridiculous prices, unfair prices, which hurt U.S mineral farmers. So what I’m saying is that if we bought Green-Land, then we would have access to all those minerals, and we wouldn’t be reliant on inferior Chinese minerals anymore. Garlic salt.

Okay, but there is more than minerals though. Strategy. Liberals don’t know anything about strategy. The only liberal strategy is LOSING. No wonder they don’t want me to buy Green-Land. The Socialist Left is just worried about Donald Trump making the next Louisville Purchase! Crazy libs hate America. Manafort Destiny, it was in the Declaration, look it up.

Green-Land has strategy. Islands usually have a good pit of strategy, but Green-Land has an absolutely crazy amount of strategy. We already have one Air Force base there. I love the Air Force. You should see the planes they have, really incredible, just the best. So fast! Obama planes did not go that fast. In fact they were always falling out of the sky. Sad! Anyway, we already have one Air Force base in Green-Land, but we could have more bases. Army bases. I love the Army too. I always felt like I was one of them, same attitude, same determination. Always winning. I was basically in the Army.

If we buy Green-Land then we get the minerals and we get the strategy. Open and shut! No obstruction, no collusion. A bigger victory than mine over Hillary, which was huge even with Google hacking votes for her. The American people have spoken! We need garlic salt.

The Danish prime minister or whatever says Green-Land is not for sale. Wrong! You can put a price on everything. A great American President named Donald Trump once said that. Say it with me: You can put a price on anything. Now just imagine how beautiful the American Flag will look once we add a big green star to the flag. Star number fifty. Those loser libs will be GREEN with envy. Sad!